The Highs and Lows of Living in a Less Than Perfect Accommodating World
Michael Friant
Dr. Pullum
Com 305-002
April 20, 2022
The Highs and Lows of Living in a Less Than Perfect Accommodating World
Imagine having a disability that deters people from interacting with you as if you were a typical able-bodied person. You have to deal with this every single day, day in and day out. However, now envision certain individuals who interact with you as if you were just another typical able-bodied person. These people would mean the world to you. This paper will discuss several of my friends who do this for me and will describe how Communication Accommodation Theory fits into these scenarios.
Communication Accommodation Theory is a theory developed by Howard Giles that says the way we interact with individuals can either shrink the perception of physical, social, or economic differences or put them on full display. Giles says that we practice accommodation or nonaccommodation to demonstrate to the people around us that we are either similar or different from them. Naturally accommodation is the process of narrowing the social distance of a situation in order to make the individuals feel more similar. However, non accommodation is the process that people practice to specifically highlight the differences between the parties involved. Maintenance is when there is a noticeable societal difference between two individuals, but the individual closest to normal standard does not perform certain actions in order to not to shrink that social difference. Over accommodation, a form of non accommodation, is when the individual who is closer to the societal norm specifically overreacts to the differences in the other person in order to make the person feel less than a normal human being or something to be pitied.
Having grown up with cerebral palsy and subsequently a speech impediment since birth, people have been overaccommodating to me. For example, people have gotten right into my face and talked to me in a child’s voice. This is overaccommodating because there is no need to talk to me in a baby voice. I am fully capable of understanding what they are saying if they were to speak to me in a normal voice. Another example of over accommodation is when I am hanging out with individuals, and they are very concerned with every little detail of my situation. This is also over accommodating because there is no need for them to treat me any differently than they would some other person, though they think they have to. Last but certainly not least, people overaccommodate me by trying to finish my sentences for me. This illustrates people being overaccommodating because they assume that I am not able to communicate properly so that they have to. The reality is I am and have been perfectly capable of communicating exactly what I want to convey.
Likewise, throughout my life, people have demonstrated a maintenance attitude towards me. For example, too often people do not invite me to hang out with them at events or to go with them on trips. This is maintenance because they are signaling to me through their actions that I would be too different and would require more work for them if I were to go with them. Another way that people display maintenance towards me is not giving me the time to type out what I want to say. This is non accommodating because they are signaling to me that since I have to type out what I want to say, I am too different from other people and they don’t want to alter their behavior. Now whether it is over accommodating or non accommodating, I am always left feeling isolated from the group of people that I am with, even though I might be physically close to them.
However, there are several friends who are accommodating to me. For example, my friends Ciaran, Stephen, Rob, and several other individuals in my close circle are willing to be patient and wait while I type out what I have to say. They do this because they want to exhibit to me that they value what I have to say to them. They also want to avoid any perceived social superiority that might be in the air. Another way that these friends accommodate me is by picking me up for things. They do this because they want to close the societal inequalities in this world by sharing their privileges.
Although the previous examples of accommodation are valid, the following example is what shows me that they are really accommodating. Some people can seem accommodating by giving me a ride to an event, but if they then are not willing to be patient and wait until I am able to type what I want to say then they are not accommodating me. So when my friends Ciaran, Stephen, Rob, or others commit to be accommodating by picking me up to join them and then continuing to help me navigate the events we are attending at the time, they are truly accommodating. They do this because they truly want to help make the time I spend with them enjoyable and close any social inequalities that exist within the space. One example of this occurred last October. There was this music festival at Pantana Bob’s, but I would not have been able to navigate the space without help from a couple of friends. So, after talking to Stephen, he said he and a couple of his friends would be willing to help me out. Even before the event, I needed help walking due to getting drunk pregaming at a friend’s house. I get drunk more easily than typical able-bodied people do because of how slim I am. Also, I obviously lose my motor functions quicker than most people due to my cerebral palsy. Once we realized that I was drunk, Stephen gave me his arm to hold onto and helped walk me out and get into the car. At the event, Stephen or one of his friends would let me hold onto their arms while we navigated through the crowded space.
This paper has discussed the theory of accommodation and the subsequent versions of it such as over accommodation and non accommodation. I have illustrated these concepts with examples from my own life as someone who lives with cerebral palsy on a daily basis. I will be the first to admit that this world would be a better place if people were just accommodating as my friends Ciaran, Stephen, and Rob are to me. At the end of the day, we all just want to be treated the same and be included in things. Believe it or not, our society already does this as typical able-bodied individuals, it is just not viewed as accommodating. For example, able-bodied individuals often give each other rides even though they are able to drive and own cars. So let us start being accommodating to everyone, not just to those to whom it is convenient or to those we deem ‘normal’ by our society.